Deora Ar Mo Chroi
by TwilightPrincess89
Summary: Mina has a secret that is killing her literally. She writes the letter and leaves it with Rei. But what Rei doesnt know is that Mina is about to end it all! Can Rei save Mina before it's too late! Rated M for adult themes.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: So this is just another one of those love stories. It doesnt follow a specific universe. Its basically its own. So no hating on that aspect. It's full of angst and repetive whining on Mina's part, so just bare with it. Please read and Review. The title is based on the song by Enya...its a beautiful song.

Deals with attepted sucide. So dont read if it offends.

Deora Ar Mo Chroi

(Tears upon my heart)

_ I love her damnit! But why must I love someone I know I cannot have? Everything about her is so intoxicating to me, her smile, her eyes, and her laugh. And when she talks to me in that sweet voice, I melt, and hand onto every word that expertly flows from her sensuous lips. It makes me feel things that I shouldn't be feeling for her. The last I fell hard for someone, I got burned in the end. Why must I always play with fire? I know she loves me, but possibly not in the same way that I love her. I shouldn't love her like this, but I can't help it. She's the most confident person I have ever met, a lot stronger that I could ever hope to be. Her will is strong and her heart is pure. But I can see the longing behind those intense, violet eyes. She waits for a love that is everlasting and powerful. But I cannot give her that love, because I am bound to another. If I were not I would be her future if she would allow me. But I cannot, I cannot be what she dreams about. I cannot be the one she longs for. She deserves someone who will love her completely and relentlessly. I can be that love, but I can't at the same time. My life led me down a different path of destiny, and I must live it as it has been so graciously laid down in front of my feet. Her life has yet to start, and what a wonderful life it will be._

_ I have managed to fuck up my life in the years since we left school. All the drugs and sex that come along with my career choice never sat well with her, but she was always there to help me if I needed her. The battles with monsters and villains get fewer and fewer. The most intense battle I fight is with my heart. She will never see the tears that I cry, the smiles I fake because I want her to see me happy. She will never know the nights I lay awake in bed, alone, because my rocker boyfriend is off shagging some groupie. This isn't the life that I wanted. But it is the life that I have. I lie in bed and cry for a love that will never take off the way that I want it to. I have to put her needs ahead of mine, and give up the alcohol and drugs, and this man that I am with. But from a friendship stand point I have put her needs ahead of mine, well mostly. I try not to drag her down with me if I can help it. We fight sometimes, and it gets really bad. But somehow we always end up coming back to one another. That must be saying something to us that we aren't hearing. I hear it. I have always heard it. But I do not know if she can hear it, or if she just ignores it as I do. It tears me up inside because I love her so much, I know I said I couldn't be her future, but oh how I want to! I want to love her completely, relentlessly, helplessly. And I know that if I had her for real, I could. I could give up this lifestyle and prove my love for her. I feel like a little kid around her, she makes me feel so happy, but the one thing that I want more than anything in this world, is for her to be happy. Sometimes to truly love someone means you have to let them go and be happy, even if that happiness doesn't include you. I know her happiness will come from the man she is going to marry. Or the woman she chooses to marry. I hope on the day she takes those vows of everlasting love that she remembers me, and the love that I have for her, the love that I still have for her. My love will never die; I am ruled by the planet Venus after all. But even if I were just a regular person, not a person who controls and wields a power so great that it could rip the earth in half, I would still love her to no avail. Nothing could ever break my love for this woman. This incredibly smart, sexy, sensual woman. I love her and I always will._

_ I only hope that by saying these feelings to her will not break our bond as friends. I should keep this to myself, but I can't lie to myself or her anymore. I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't tell her everything. We are best friends, and best friends tell each other everything. I want to tell her the truth; I want her to know what is in my heart. And here it is; the truth poured directly from my bleeding heart and my tormented mind. I feel like the Phantom. I have watched this girl grow into an incredible woman, while keeping my true feelings locked away in the shadows. Though with a less creepy effect. She may not notice my love for what it really is; maybe she sees it as me being a good friend, and not a potential lover. But I want her to be happy, so my torment continues as I write I compose my love through words on this paper. Their flow mimicking my thoughts and my emotions. But that is the Venusian curse I suppose. To be ruled by your emotions, to have them forever on your sleeve. Believe me it's not a way of life I would have chosen for myself. I hate that people can read me so easily. But with her, I am an enigma, or maybe she had figured me out, but is waiting for me to figure her out. I love her with my heart and not my head, my head screams 'STOP YOU IDIOT!' and my heart screams 'GO FOR IT!' I'm fighting a battle with love and I am losing. I guess what they say is true: Love is a battlefield. But I am not strong, and I am wrong. Tell me that I will not burn in the fires of hell for this love? Tell me that to think is not to do and that thoughts are not actions. And that my sins will not condemn me to the lowest circle of hell: Betrayal. Because I have betrayed myself, and I have betrayed my heart. _

_ I can only hope that one day she will see my pain, and look me in the eyes and tell me that she loves me too. That she feels the same way that I do and that she wants to go and live happily ever after. But I know that in my heart that such an admission will never come, unless by some divine prank by destiny has planned an unforeseen event in our future. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened. I do not know, but what I do know is that I love this woman and I always will, no matter what comes of this confession. I only hope that she can love me too in the way that I love her. If not…then I hope that she lets my heart down easy, I don't think that it can take anymore of this breaking. All I care for is her happiness. Even if I can't show her how much I love her, to make her feel it by my hands moving over her body, confessing all my love for her. I want her to at least know that my love will never die; I will never leave her side, I will not falter, I will never surrender my feelings for her. I will always love her. I will love her until the day they set fire to my body and spread me into the wind, bound for a place of happiness and freedom. Only then can my heart be free of this torment. My heart is in chains, weighed down by torment, and it will remain so until I am set free. And with a heavy heart I must watch as her life takes off and her wings spread, and she takes flight. I can only hope that she knows that I will never stop loving her, even if it kills me, even if with every slice across my skin with me blade, all the blood that falls, I still feel empty without her._

_ I cannot imagine my life without her, but I know that I will have to let her go at some point and let her live her own life. My Phantom days will continue, she will never know the tears, or the heart break, or the sadness that is my burden. The longing that grips my hear in its iron fist every time she leave my side. My back may have turned on her at some points in our friendship, when I was too stubborn or too afraid of the truth to listen to the truth she was telling me, but my heart never waivered during those moments. When she walks away I count every step that she takes as she walks farther and farther away from me. I die inside because she is leaving my protection. But there's the rub…she doesn't need my protection. Am I so ignorant that I think she needs my protection? No, it is I who needs protection. Protection from myself. She is strong and independent, flawless. I only hope that she knows how I feel, and the pain that I feel when I think of what might have been._

_ I want to know her inside and out. I want to be the one to bring her to ecstasy for the first time. To be the one she hold at night, and who she dreams about. I could give her so much more pleasure than any stupid man could. All they do is hurt her and ignore her, and she doesn't see me. Maybe she is afraid of me? Maybe I pushed her away, scared her. But I had no intention of doing that to her. She ignited a spark within me that has now turned into a raging inferno of desire and love. What is it about her? I can't control my hunger or the spell she has me under all these years. My heart thunders in my head, and my face flushes hot when she is in my company. It's difficult for me to hide my arousal at her sight, but it is not my place to have these kinds of feelings for her._

_ Her love is boundless, and it is pure; so pure that my vulgar and unholy thoughts of her must be blown out of my head before they kill me and my sin tainted heart. My body aches for her, urns for her, craves its feel against mine. Her alabaster skin, skin soft as silk against mine. No! No! No! Stop these thoughts! It's not my place to think like this about my best friend. But I can and I will love her in this life and in the next. Before I go I want her to know how much I love her, how long I have thought of her lying beside me, skin on skin. Cuddling, warm against each other, hearts pounding as one, our bodies intertwined. Moaning out confessions of our love for one another, every touch a promise, every kiss a confession of love, every moan a plea of submission to pleasure. I have decided, succumbed to my thoughts. I am passed the point of no return, I am at my final threshold. I have torn my heart open, bared my teeth, and shown my raw feelings to you, of you._

_ I can only hope by me doing so hasn't changed your thoughts of me, or made you want to never see me again. I sit here defenseless and silent, I've decided. I've decided to end it all. I can't take this pain anymore. I have to end it. Please I hope that you can understand this. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and you know that I wouldn't hurt you on purpose. I just want you to know my thoughts, and how they eat me alive inside, because I know that I can never have you, you have brought me to the moments where my thoughts run dry as a desert. I have nothing more to give, this is it, this is…these are my feelings for you. I love you and I know those words are meaningless unless they can be proven. I only need the chance to prove it, but it's too late for that. The flames of my desire have consumed me, and now they are burning me alive. I'm sorry if I have made you cry, the last thing I want is to feel your tears. I just want you to be happy, to find someone who can love you the way you want to be loved. Just keep me in your thoughts. When they find my body in the morning, let them know that I had no way out. That I couldn't live with a broken heart anymore. Just love me…don't forget me…That is all I ask of you._

And with that Mina slipped the letter into an envelope, put on her coat and slipped out of her window. The night was cold and dark, but the moon illuminated the sky, shinning so bright, that it looked almost day light. The she approached the steps of the Shrine where her Miko slept. She walked up the path to her room, and silently slid the door open, being careful not to wake the sleeping Fire Priestess. She sat the letter on the pillow next to Rei, and as quietly as she appeared, she was gone. She ran down the steps as far as she could go, the cold air stinging her lungs as she ran further and further away from her love. That was it, this was all she had left, a confession of her love.

The next morning Rei awoke in a cold sweat, her black tank top clinging to her body. she rolled over to see an envelope on her pillow, curiously she picked it up. The perfume on the paper smelled oddly familiar to her nose, and more poured out as she removed the few sheets of paper from the envelope. As she read it, tears fell uncontrollably from her violet eyes, her heart was breaking and full of fear.

"Oh god how could I be so stupid! She can't…she can't die!" Rei exclaimed as she bolted out of bed.

She threw on a pair of jeans her shoes and a hoodie. She ran across town to Mina's flat, she could only hope that she wasn't too late to save her best friend. She never knew that Mina felt this way that she was in love with her. They hadn't spoken in two weeks because of a recent fight they had had, she never imagined that Mina was this bad. But then again, the Venusian Princess was good at putting on an act for the outside world. But she knew that this letter was honest, and that it really took a lot of courage on Mina's part to write it. The cold air in her lungs was harsh, and the wind bit at her exposed face and hands. The words that were expertly written on that sheet of paper clutched in her hand echoed in her mind as she ran. Once she reached Mina's building she jumped up the stairs three at a time, her heart was pounding furiously hard as she approached the door to Mina's flat. She knocked franticly, but there was no answer. With a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach she opened the door and walked inside the cold apartment.

She looked around but didn't see anything, or anyone. Everything was neat and tidy, even her bed had been made. Fear gripped Rei like a iron fist as she continued to look in the small flat, then she heard a sob coming from outside. She turned to see Mina standing on the railing of her balcony; she was shivering from the freezing wind that was blowing.

"I knew you would come." She said hoarsely.

"Mina please come down…let me talk to you." Rei pleaded.

"Why? So I can look at all the pain and hatred in your eyes? No thank you Rei." Mina said lurching forward.

Rei reacted at the speed of lightening and wrapped her arms around the Venusian's torso; they fell onto the patio in a heap of raven and blonde locks. Mina was furious; she was hitting every bit of Rei she could get her hands on. Rei fought her off and rolled them over so that she was straddling Mina's hips. She pinned her arms above her head. Mina was sobbing and trying to throw Rei off, but the Miko was just too strong.

"Mina…Mina please stop! Listen to me! Look at me!" Rei yelled.

"Why? Why didn't you just let me die Rei!" Mina sobbed.

"Because…Because I love you idiot!" Rei shouted.

Mina stopped trying to throw her off at once and looked slack jawed, in shock at Rei. She was panting from the exertion and her cheeks were flushed from the cold wind biting at her skin

"Don't play games with me Rei." Mina said flatly.

"I'm not laying Mina! I was coward, I couldn't tell you! I had no idea you were this bad! I was an idiot! Please Mina…I can't live without you!" Rei said hysterically.

Rei's grip on Mina's wrist slackened and Mina raised her hand to cup the Miko's face which was now soaking wet with tears.

"Why?" Mina asked.

Rei's brow furrowed, she was confused by the question.

"Why do you love me?" Mina asked answering Rei's unspoken question.

"I have always loved you…but I was too afraid of telling you…you were always with someone…and this one looked serious…so I never said anything…" Rei replied.

"I am no longer with him…I told him last week that it was over. But I kept telling myself that I was still with him because I didn't want to accept that I was…alone again." Mina said.

Rei looked at the woman underneath her in shock.

"Yeah, I know what you're going to say. That I should have told you, that I should have asked for help, but I needed to do this one on my own." Mina said.

"And you thought that by killing yourself…that it would make it better? You really are a dope! How am I supposed to live without you Mina?" Rei asked.

"You don't have to anymore…" Mina said.

And in that moment Rei leaned forward and captured Mina's lips in their first kiss together.

"You know, you can tell how much a person really loves you by the way that they kiss you." Mina said breaking the kiss.

"Oh yeah?" Rei asked raising a raven eyebrow.

"Yes…and you pass." Mina said kissing Rei once more.

After a few more minutes of kissing, Rei had removed herself from Mina and they had ended up in the bedroom.

Across town Setsuna wiped a tear from her eyes as she closed her mirror.

"What's wrong Setsuna?" Haruka asked from the other side of the room.

"Yes, why are you crying?" Michiru asked equally concerned.

"They finally realized it…they are going to consummate their love." Setsuna cried.

"That's good! Rei and Mina were meant for each other." Michiru said.

"Now I can finally get some rest, I was beginning to think that I was going to have to help the situation…thank the gods that it didn't come to that." Setsuna said relieved.

Everyone laughed.

"Alright who's for pizza?" Haruka asked getting to her feet.

"I am! I am!" The young Hotaru yelled jumping up and down.

"Haruka you really shouldn't spoil her like that." Michiru said without any real conviction in her silky voice.

"Well I love both of my girls; of course I am going to spoil you." Haruka said placing a kiss on her lover's lips.

And with that they all grabbed their coats and headed to the pizza joint downtown.

"Don't fuck this up Rei." Setsuna said to herself as she locked the door.

"I won't" She heard Rei's reply in her mind.

And it was then that she realized how one simple letter to bring together a lifetime of happiness.


End file.
